We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
