There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
