your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Send help, water and tortillas.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
