I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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