Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
