So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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