she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
