Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
