Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
