why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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