We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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