dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
