she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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