i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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