There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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