Are we in a gay sports bar?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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