Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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