Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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