All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
