I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The Olympian is in my bed
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
