Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
