Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
