I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Less talking, more tequila
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
