Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
