I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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