I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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