I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
