There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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