yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
