...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
honey bunches of taint.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
