Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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