do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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