Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
