I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
im on a boat
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