i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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