bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
