Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
