I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
