The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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