someone threw a dead crab at me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
