My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
