Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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