whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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