I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
