I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
