yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
