Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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