it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
