i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
