Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
