she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
