you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
