i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
