At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
