My first STD was from a foam party
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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