after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
