Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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