If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
