Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
