Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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