I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
