Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
